6 Things I have learnt being married to a Chilean

6 things I have learnt being married to a Chilean

So, you think you have been in Chile long enough to know the culture quite well?

Try being married to a Chilean where you can discover a whole new side to their country and culture. Yes, I will also include the “Don’t try this at home!” warning in case someone wants to rush off to the church and then finds out it didn’t happen the same way.

For those that don’t know me, I am from New Zealand and my wife is Chilean. We got married here in Chile in 2002 though were together about 3 years before that (yes, living together in sin, well according to the strong catholic influence that Chile has, but then, who are they to talk about sinful deeds).

Being from different cultures and speaking different languages, we have learnt a lot from each other. I thought I’d write a list of a few things I have learnt being married to my Chilean wife (however some of the points had to be deleted since they couldn’t actually be said in public but that’s another story…).

Note: Some of these points are not necessarily restrictive to being married to a Chilean and may also be different from being married to YOUR Chilean. In fact, you may not have to even be married to learn these things.

1. Family involves the whole tribe
Family is not just you, your wife and your kids. It also involves more than the in-laws (I silently shudder with goosebumps). Family in Chile involves the extended extended family (yes, purposely written twice since it goes beyond extended). Just when you thought you knew everyone in the family, you are introduced to yet ANOTHER cousin at one of the many family gatherings (see point 2 below). In fact, there is an inside Chilean joke about the connection between cousins and unfaithfulness. And when you throw in the close family friends and neighbours that are considered a part of the family, you end up with a huge tribe! This can however be very useful whenever you need anything. Someone in the family is bound to be able to fix your problem (broken cars, crazy exs, pimple squeezing) or know a cheap place to get something done (dental work, pubic hair removal, though that last one I wouldn’t recommend getting done at a cheap place… so I hear).

2. There seems to be something to celebrate every week
Maybe it’s because my wife has 17+ tios (uncles/aunts) not including their partners. Then if you add the cousins (in our case up to 4 per family)… we’re looking at 50 or more relatives. Ok, not all Chilean partners have so many relatives (unless they’re Opus Dei of course which my wife’s family is not) but expect to be invited to a birthday, baptism, funeral or random get together quite often. Then when you throw in the classmates from school and then university, you wonder whether you will ever have a free weekend to blob out and do nothing. Oh, and did I mention our son’s classmates having birthdays and then the get-togethers with their parents… never a dull moment!

3. You need to be more relaxed about time.
I am a punctual person. If I have to literally break out into a sweaty run to get somewhere because I’m a little behind time, I will. However in Chile, things are… well, let’s just say, more relaxed.
Agreeing to meet at a certain hour in Chile is more like a recommendation than an unbreakably fixed schedule. Like, if you say, let’s meet there at 7. This usually translates to any time after 7, not before, most likely after, depending on what interesting things I find happening on the way or if I’m having a better time somewhere else.
Fortunately, my wife is punctual too but she whips it into me kindly reminds me that people are more relaxed about time here and that if they don’t turn up or we ourselves are running late, that it’s not a big thing and the world is not going to end (until the end of 2012). Of course, you don’t need to be married to learn this but my wife has taught me to relax more about it.

4. You are both from different cultures, no seriously!
You obviously know this before you get married but I think it is not until you are actually living together that you discover many more cultural differences where things you have assumed as normal in your home country may in fact be the opposite ‘norm’ in your adopted one. These differences that were not seen during the niceties of only seeing each a few hours every day (or so) tend to crop up on a daily basis and may even cause strife if you are not prepared to handle them once married.

Personally I think it pays to live together before getting married (as was in our case) though your future in-laws in Chile may find it very difficult to accept and some may even outright not allow it until the nuptial vows have been said.

What I have learnt from these cultural differences is that you can take the best of both worlds.

5. Having bicultural children is great
My wife and I have two boys. I only speak to them in English and my wife only speaks to them in Spanish. I love to read kiddies books to them in English at night and whenever we play, the instructions or whatever are in English.

However, I also learn about things Chileans grew up with when my wife teaches our kids things in Spanish, for instance nursery rhymes and games she was brought up with. Now both our boys are at school, I’m also learning from the homework they have to do. Yes, they get homework from the first year, at least at their school, though it usually involves the whole family like making our own musical instruments, or not setting fire to the kitchen when you cook something.

Having this insight has taught me a lot about Chilean culture and helps me understand some of the most obscure Chilean jokes.

6. Language and New Words
When you have a Chilean partner you will also discover many new words like regalonear, cariñoso and pichu… These words, apart from the last one, which is the start of a vulgar word which I thought I had best not finish due to the ladies present though should still be learnt in order to have a better understanding of local culture, (wow, that was a mouthful… the long sentence, not the word itself) are new words that can be learnt easily having a Chilean partner. Their true meanings can’t really be learnt by yourself… can they?

Of course once the wedding has happened and the shackles are officially on, you won’t learn as many of those nice/romantic words full of love, affection and happiness stuff anymore. You then get to learn other fascinating word combinations like “get-your-hairy-ass-out-of-my-face-I’m-trying-to-watch-tv” or “I’ve-told-you-a-zillion-times-not-to-piss-on-the-cat-when-you-arrive-home-drunk” expressions.

Ok, you don’t need to be married to learn those words by the true meaning is usually only learnt when you have a Chilean partner.

I have learnt many more things and I must say it has been well worth being married to a Chilean, or maybe I was just lucky to have such a wonderful wife!

What have you learnt from your foreign partner?

Tagged as: Chile, Expat, Experiences, Family, Marriage, Opinions, Relationships, Spanish